What to Expect When You Are Expecting: The Movie
The hilarity of Hollywood originality continues. If you live in Los Angeles with an original script in hand, you might as well wear a dunce cap and get pelted in the face with paint balls. In-N-Out: The Movie has a better chance of hitting the big screen than your stupid original (ha!) idea.
Just when you thought every book, TV Show, movie, and news story has been adapted, I stumbled upon this gem.
What To Expect When You’re Expecting: The Movie
If you’ve had children or are expecting to have a child, you’ve likely read through part of this non-fiction series. There are a three steps to having a child. One involves a bird. The second has something to do with bees. And the third is the inevitable gift of “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”.
If this movie holds true to the book, it will strike fear into pregnant and soon to be pregnant couples everywhere. You think you have anxiety now? Wait til you read/watch the 857 ways pregnancy can go wrong…in month 3 alone. Are you a pregnant woman that has a runny nose? Alert! Alert! There are 42 reasons why this could be catastrophic.
“The big-screen adaptation of ‘Expecting’ will follow the relationships of seven couples as they experience the thrills, terrors, surprises, aches and pains of preparing to embark on life’s biggest journey, parenthood.” says The Hollywood Reporter.
OK, so there’s obviously a built in audience for this. Multiple stories. The whole gambit of emotions. Maybe this is in the vein of Love, Actually (which wasn’t that bad).
But then the Reporter goes on to say,
“The multi-storyline approach is similar to the one used by the New Line romantic comedy “He’s Just Not That Into You,” the adaptation based on best-selling guidebook for dating in the modern world. ”
And…you lost me. Comparing something to He’s Just Not That Into You is like me complimenting that new dress of yours with “I love your dress…it reminds me of my great grandmother’s wedding dress. You know, the one I showed you, the one sewn by two retarded monkeys and a blind man.” The review of that trainwreck is HERE.
So what should you expect when expecting this movie? An easy formula that’s been overdone (Love, Actually, He’s Just Not That Into You, and the upcoming Valentine’s Day). According to The Hollywood Reporter, there will be seven couples. Let’s try NOT to be creative so we can easily predict those charming couples and their plotlines:
Couple 1: Young, hot, hip couple who aren’t necessarily ready for kids (an excuse to cast Scarlett Johansson).
Couple 2: A “hilarious” gay couple adopting an Asian African Haitian baby.
Couple 3: A wealthy power couple in their mid 40′s who decide they finally want to have kids.
Couple 4: A happily married couple who have been trying for years and are finally pregnant.
Couple 5: A woman in her mid 30′s who gets pregnant on purpose unbeknownst to her struggling rock star boyfriend (Russell Brand for comic relief).
Couple 6: The couple having their 8th child.
Couple 7: The African-American couple. Just because that’s the PC thing to do.
So there you have it…What to Expect When You’re Expecting: The Movie — before it has even been written. I’m looking forward to the What to Expect When You’re Expecting Action figures.
“Delivery Day Mom (with movable limbs) – *Placenta sold separately ”
And with great box office success, we’ll be blessed with What to Expect When You’re Expecting: The Musical.
Please don’t get me wrong on this post. I’m not anti-pregnancy movies. I’m anti using a brand such as this book to use as a crutch. Even if the movie is horrendous, enough people will be curious enough to pay their $12. It will continue to encourage theft of beloved and known properties and soiling it with bad acting and bad jokes.
Are you dying to see a movie about pregnancy? How about one of these great ones:
Knocked Up
Juno
Rosemary’s Baby (see the trailer HERE)
