Not sure if you’ve noticed, but we are in the purgatory stage of the film release schedule.  All of the Academy Award nominees have been released, you’ve seen Avatar three times already, and you almost got suckered into seeing The Tooth Fairy. If you’re desperate to see a movie, now is a good time to catch up on rentals or see those “critically acclaimed” movies that you never had the chance to see. I made the latter choice and have regretted it ever since.

Almost everyone I know told me how great The Blind Side was. Some of you might be reading this post right now. I hate you all. But not as much as I hate The Blind Side. Some might say hate is a harsh word to use. I actually don’t think it’s strong enough. I simply cannot understand the love for this film (70% on Rotten Tomatoes, 2 Academy Award Nominations, positive word of mouth). It’s a clichéd, poorly written, nauseating, waste of time film that managed to ruin a great true story. This film was truly meant for an after school special. I literally got goose bumps from the scene in the below picture. Unrealistic, cheesy, and poorly acted — I felt as embarrassed as that kid who pissed his pants in your 2nd grade class.

As I often do with films I despise, I’m putting zero effort into this review.  Below is my poetic ode to this horrendous head scratching Best Picture Nominee.

An Ode to The Blind Side

Blind Side, Oh Blind Side.

You stuck it in my backside.

Two tickets — twenty bucks; Two drinks — ten more.

I’d pay an extra hundred to forget I walked thru the door.

Movie Michael Oher mumbles a few words; he’s a black Forrest Gump.

Real Michael Oher speaks clear and thoughtful words; he’s not that movie chump.

Sandra Bullock was good, I’m just not jumping from my seat.

Poor writing was the culprit, those men should be beat.

Blind Side, Oh Blind Side.

I hate you.

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