Monopoly the Movie: Worst Idea Ever?
I’ve realized that this blog has become way too cynical. Every new piece of movie news gets scoffed at and ridiculed. But look what I’ve tried to absorb over the past 2 days: Clash of the Titans remake trailer trying entirely too hard to appease to the teens, announcement for Risk: The Movie (we will post about this later), story revelations on Battleship: The Movie (hint – it involves aliens), and a Berenstain Bears live action movie (this might not be so bad). As someone who is as passionate about film as I am, these ridiculous announcements from Hollywood really disturb me. Hollywood has become all about business over the past 15 years and less about art. Original ideas are extremely rare. You almost have to look towards the foreign film directors now to capture the brilliance we once had in the United States in the 1960′s and 70′s. For every Paul Thomas Anderson, Noah Baumbach, Spike Jonze, and Quentin Tarantino there are a thousand hacks simply doing it for the money (hello, Brett Ratner). Sad. But I digress…
We told you awhile ago that Ridley Scott (yes, the Ridley Scott that directed Gladiator, Alien, Blade Runner, Black Hawk Down) would be directing Monopoly: The Movie. That news disturbed me. The producer of the film (Frank Beddor) has opened up about his brilliant ideas for the story to the L.A. Times. His ideas and the direction this film are so laughable, so ridiculous, and so asinine, I will simply quote him word for word. Please do not have a coffee, tea, beer, or water in front of you as you read. You just might spit all over your monitor.
“I created a comedic, lovable loser who lives in Manhattan and works at a real estate company and he’s not very good at his job but he’s great at playing Monopoly. And the world record for playing is 70 straight days – over 1,600 hours – and he wanted to try to convince his friends to help him break that world record. They think he is crazy. They kid him about this girl and they’re playing the game and there’s this big fight. And he’s holding a Chance card and after they’ve left he says, ‘Damn, I wanted to use that Chance card,’ and he throws it down. He falls asleep and then he wakes up in the morning and he’s holding the Chance card, and he thinks, ‘That’s odd.’”
“He’s all groggy and he goes down to buy some coffee and he reaches into his pocket and all he has is Monopoly money. All this Monopoly money pours out. He’s confused and embarrassed and the girl reaches across the counter and says, ‘That’s OK.’ And she gives him change in Monopoly money. He walks outside and he’s in this very vibrant place, Monopoly City, and he’s just come out of a Chance Shop. As it goes on, he takes on the evil Parker Brothers in the game of Monolopy. He has to defeat them. It tries to incorporate all the iconic imageries — a sports car pulls up, there’s someone on a horse, someone pushing a wheelbarrow — and rich Uncle Pennybags, you’re going to see him as the maître d’ at the restaurant and he’s the buggy driver and the local eccentric and the doorman at the opera. There’s all these sight gags.”
Dear Mr. Beddor,
Take the “lovable” out, and you’ve described your idea. This plot makes a Wayans Brothers script look like it was written by James Joyce. Terrible by all means.
