I Hate Scary Movies
Good ole’ Halloween is this weekend. Too much candy and lots of scary movies.
I’m going to let you in on a not so secret-secret. I hate scary movies. Not because of the quality of the films (although many are pretty horrible). Not because I don’t have an interest in any of the stories. It’s pretty simple – I dread the thought of sitting in a dark movie theater – Dolby Surround sound blasting – and having to survive two hours of fright. To me, there is nothing fun in that experience. In my mind, I’m counting down the minutes to the end. I’m checking off “horror” moments I gathered from the trailer, knowing they are already behind me. And I have no idea why. It’s miserable to me. There’s nothing I abhor more than an intriguing looking horror film. It means I have to see it or come up with elaborate excuses of why I’m going to skip it.
When I watch movies, I’m immersed in them. I’m there. I’m following every word. I’m on whatever planet they have traveled to. The magic of movies is that they elevate you to places beyond your imagination. Unfortunately, the same goes with horror films. I’m in that log cabin with the main character, being tormented by psycho murderers. I’m next to that window when the masked figured appears in the distant haze. I already told you about my Blacula experience — here are a few more.
When I saw THIS trailer for The Strangers, I was not a happy camper. It’s the perfect trailer for a great psychological thriller. I wanted to see it. The problem was, I’d have to see it. Ugh. When it ended, I felt like I completed another marathon. It was a great yet miserable ride and I was happy it was behind me.
Back in 95′, I made the dumb move of seeing In the Mouth of Madness in theaters. In hindsight, I have no idea if it’s actually scary. And the trailer HERE, doesn’t help my case (kinda cheesy). But the fact remains, something in that movie sticks with me to this day. I have no intention of revisiting it to find out why.
Do you remember the mini-series for Stephen King’s “It”? I still have second thoughts before walking next to gutters.
The classic opening scene with Drew Barrymore in the first Scream had me eyeballing the nearest exit. It was such a great film but had scenes that scared the living daylights out of me. Not fun at all. Sweet, Scream 4 is coming out in a few months. Sigh.
Horror fans reading this will laugh at me. And haven’t even scratched the surface of some of the “great” freaky films ever made. But I don’t care. I’ve seen plenty of scary movies, yet probably not enough to the casual horror fan. That’s not gonna change anytime soon. My heart can’t handle it.
I love movies. I like to think of myself as a walking encyclopedia wikipedia on films past and present. But when it comes to horror/scary/torture porn (Saw Franchise) — I’m out.
For those on the same page as me, The Fine Brothers have released the perfect spoiler video – “100 Horror Movie Spoilers in 5 Minutes.” Yes, every major horror film with the endings spoiled. Beware.
Here’s to keeping it real! Happy Halloween!
