The A-Team Movie Non-Review
How can one even attempt to review a movie like The A-Team?
a) It’s based off an 80′s live TV show that was essentially a cartoon.
b) Never for one second does it attempt to be anything else but dumb summertime fun.
c) Mr. T and Rampage Jackson played B.A. Baracus…can you really review anything with these two as main actors?
“Fire everything!” exclaimed Hannibal aka Liam Neeson. And so they did. Wow. There is no simple way to explain what I saw on the screen. Besides lots of shaky cam and disregard to a plausible plotline, I’m almost embarrassed to say that I really enjoyed this movie due to the dumb fun it was. The number one culprit of the straight dumb summer fun were the ridiculous stunts (which of course made zero sense). Last week I showcased a snippet of THIS absurd scene from the film. After witnessing it in full context, it is even more batshit crazy. In what logical sense would a writer script the following scene:
An airplane flown by the A-Team gets blasted out of the sky. That airplane happened to have a tank in it. The entire A-Team just happens to get into the tank as the airplane gets shot (let me remind you, they were FLYING the plane). The infamous tank just happens to have just the right amount of parachutes on it to slow down the freefall, you know, in case it ever needed to fly. And then the one liners come flying. The “best” one comes from Bradley “Face” Cooper “Hey Boss, it’s a little stuffy. I’m gonna pop a window.” And so he does. And the cackler shoots planes out of the sky with the tank flying through the air.
Of course, this isn’t ridiculous enough.
To slow down their free fall, they strategically face the barrel of the tanks gun towards the ground. Each shot slows down their momentum. When they get closer…”Fire everything.”
If you can watch/read this and smiled, then The A-Team is for you.
There really is nothing more I need to say. I can explain to you how perfect Sharlto Copley (District 9) was as the mentally unstable Murdock. I can tell you how ready-made Bradley Cooper is for the role of the womanizing Face. I can beg you to understand how perfect Liam Neeson is in practically everything (except Star Wars). But there’s no reason. You’re either in or you’re out. Sure, there’s no plot. Pike…plates…revenge…wrongfully accused…whatever.
The A-Team. Asinine. Ambitious. Awesome. Ambiguous. Awestruck. Ample. Autrageous. Autterly Ridiculous.
Bradley Cooper Loses His Mind
As the late Rick James eloquently stated, “Cocaine is a hell of a drug“. After watching this whacked out clip from the upcoming A-Team movie, I’m convinced Bradley Cooper and Joe Carnahan (director) did a lot of drugs in between scenes.
Example #1: Actually shooting a scene where a tank (with parachute, of course) falls out of plane.
Example #2: Tank has the entire A-Team inside of it. The flying tank is now used to shoot planes out of the sky.
Example #3: Bradley Cooper — wided eyed, cackling, crazed, shooting planes out of the sky. If this man is not on every drug on the planet, give him the Oscar now.
Go big or go home. Looks like this movie is going BIG with ridiculous stunts, nauseating one-liners, and a crazed Bradley Cooper.
I’ll be there opening weekend!
“A-Team” Full Trailer
Your eyes did not deceive you. Yes, that’s Bradley Cooper flying through the sky in a tank while shooting down airplanes. Yes, that’s Rampage Jackson rail sliding down a skyscraper, well, because he can. Yes, that’s Liam Neeson in part 2 of full blown sellout mode (see him in Clash of the Titans for part 1). And yes, this is going to be all kinds of awesome. If THIS opening theme song doesn’t give you goosebumps, then it’s obvious you weren’t a young boy in the 80′s. I pity you, fool.
This trailer hints at lots of fun nods to the TV series – from BA’s theme song whistle to his “Pity” and “Fool” tattoos. This isn’t for everyone, but who cares — it’s for ME. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, Hollywood has had a strange fetish for the 80′s. Some are appealing (Tron: Legacy), others are disrespetcful (GI Joe). The A-Team seems to toe the line of homage vs parody, which is the way to go with this. Continue reading ““A-Team” Full Trailer” »
The Stolen 80′s: The A-Team Movie
(Hi-Res Trailer is Here!)
As a boy in the mid-1980′s, my family would often visit Universal Studios during summertime. It had the famous tram tour, random shows, and various rides. But my heart was set on one thing and one thing only…The A-Team exhibit! Not only would I be able to check out props from one of my favorite TV shows, I also got to take mock pictures of myself lifting up the van. I pitied the fool that rushed me away from that van. It was a dream come true.
Want to know another dream come true? A-Team: The Movie. And I’m not a bit ashamed about it. Thank you Hollywood for your 80′s obsessions…you done good this time.
Continue reading “The Stolen 80′s: The A-Team Movie” »