The A-Team Movie Non-Review
How can one even attempt to review a movie like The A-Team?
a) It’s based off an 80′s live TV show that was essentially a cartoon.
b) Never for one second does it attempt to be anything else but dumb summertime fun.
c) Mr. T and Rampage Jackson played B.A. Baracus…can you really review anything with these two as main actors?
“Fire everything!” exclaimed Hannibal aka Liam Neeson. And so they did. Wow. There is no simple way to explain what I saw on the screen. Besides lots of shaky cam and disregard to a plausible plotline, I’m almost embarrassed to say that I really enjoyed this movie due to the dumb fun it was. The number one culprit of the straight dumb summer fun were the ridiculous stunts (which of course made zero sense). Last week I showcased a snippet of THIS absurd scene from the film. After witnessing it in full context, it is even more batshit crazy. In what logical sense would a writer script the following scene:
An airplane flown by the A-Team gets blasted out of the sky. That airplane happened to have a tank in it. The entire A-Team just happens to get into the tank as the airplane gets shot (let me remind you, they were FLYING the plane). The infamous tank just happens to have just the right amount of parachutes on it to slow down the freefall, you know, in case it ever needed to fly. And then the one liners come flying. The “best” one comes from Bradley “Face” Cooper “Hey Boss, it’s a little stuffy. I’m gonna pop a window.” And so he does. And the cackler shoots planes out of the sky with the tank flying through the air.
Of course, this isn’t ridiculous enough.
To slow down their free fall, they strategically face the barrel of the tanks gun towards the ground. Each shot slows down their momentum. When they get closer…”Fire everything.”
If you can watch/read this and smiled, then The A-Team is for you.
There really is nothing more I need to say. I can explain to you how perfect Sharlto Copley (District 9) was as the mentally unstable Murdock. I can tell you how ready-made Bradley Cooper is for the role of the womanizing Face. I can beg you to understand how perfect Liam Neeson is in practically everything (except Star Wars). But there’s no reason. You’re either in or you’re out. Sure, there’s no plot. Pike…plates…revenge…wrongfully accused…whatever.
The A-Team. Asinine. Ambitious. Awesome. Ambiguous. Awestruck. Ample. Autrageous. Autterly Ridiculous.
Film Review: I’m Here
The more layers I peel off the Hollywood creaky wheel, the more cynical I become. Art is an important aspect to the understanding of humans. You can go through world history and some form of art will give you a glimpse into the psyche of the world at that time. Whether it be cave sketches, oil paintings of baby Jesus, Picasso’s genius, or the modern art of Mark Ryden, the thoughts of the moment are frozen in time.
Film is art. Yet, over time, it has become overrun by businessmen trying to make a quick dollar. Art has become secondary if lucky. The focus is on brand. How can a studio sell opening weekend? How quickly can a profit be made?
Film is art. And a few directors still get that. As I mentioned a few days ago, there are still true artists in the Hollywood scene. Paul Thomas Anderson. Quentin Tarantino. Spike Jonze. I’ve mentioned them all a thousand times on this site. And it’s because they keep things exciting. Their ideas are interesting. They are taking a medium and showing us something we’ve never seen before.
After a rough 7 year stint on Where the Wild Things Are, Spike Jonze wanted to create something simple. During the editing process of WTWTA, he secretly shot the 35 minute short film, I’m Here, just to keep the creative juices flowing.
Continue reading “Film Review: I’m Here” »
My Hate For “The Blind Side”
Not sure if you’ve noticed, but we are in the purgatory stage of the film release schedule. All of the Academy Award nominees have been released, you’ve seen Avatar three times already, and you almost got suckered into seeing The Tooth Fairy. If you’re desperate to see a movie, now is a good time to catch up on rentals or see those “critically acclaimed” movies that you never had the chance to see. I made the latter choice and have regretted it ever since.
Almost everyone I know told me how great The Blind Side was. Some of you might be reading this post right now. I hate you all. But not as much as I hate The Blind Side. Some might say hate is a harsh word to use. I actually don’t think it’s strong enough. I simply cannot understand the love for this film (70% on Rotten Tomatoes, 2 Academy Award Nominations, positive word of mouth). It’s a clichéd, poorly written, nauseating, waste of time film that managed to ruin a great true story. This film was truly meant for an after school special. I literally got goose bumps from the scene in the below picture. Unrealistic, cheesy, and poorly acted — I felt as embarrassed as that kid who pissed his pants in your 2nd grade class.
As I often do with films I despise, I’m putting zero effort into this review. Below is my poetic ode to this horrendous head scratching Best Picture Nominee.
An Ode to The Blind Side
Blind Side, Oh Blind Side.
You stuck it in my backside.
Two tickets — twenty bucks; Two drinks — ten more.
I’d pay an extra hundred to forget I walked thru the door.
Movie Michael Oher mumbles a few words; he’s a black Forrest Gump.
Real Michael Oher speaks clear and thoughtful words; he’s not that movie chump.
Sandra Bullock was good, I’m just not jumping from my seat.
Poor writing was the culprit, those men should be beat.
Blind Side, Oh Blind Side.
I hate you.
Film Review: Where the Wild Things Are
“There is no difference from childhood and adulthood.” – Spike Jonze
Those simple words and understanding is why Where the Wild Things Are is such a whirlwind of delicate emotions: loneliness, jealousy, happiness, fright, love, and anger. I can happily say with relief – this film has lived up to all of the high expectations and beyond. This is the best film I’ve seen in a long time. And it is sure to be a classic for kids as years pass by. It strikes emotions and lingers with you in unexpected ways. Simply put, go see this film!
In 1 hour and 35 minutes, Spike Jonze has maintained the soul of the original Sendak story while expanding it to something deep and remarkable. The question lingers in how parents and their children will respond. Will parents react to the film in anger, not wanting their kids to see the realistic complexities of kids? Or will they embrace this truth and go along with the imaginative journey of our protagonist Max? Sure, there are some dark and complex moments to the film. But I believe Jonze has successfully walked that tightrope of appeasing the kids while allowing adults to reembrace their own childhood.
At what point in your life did the child in you disappear? Where you could stare at a toy or stuffed animal or even a stick and share a world of adventure all alone with it for hours. To live life as a functioning adult, we are essentially told that we have to “grow up” and shed these childlike tendencies. As Jonze was recently quoted in GQ magazine, “I didn’t set out to make a movie they could put in the children’s section [in the video store]. I set out to make a movie that was about being 9 years old.”
Spike Jonze has accomplished something amazing here. He has captured the essence and complications of being a child. Where every cause has an effect. Where the possibilities are endless, yet seemingly, limited. Where fun and laughter quickly turns to tears and anger. Where the wild things are…inside your imaginative mind. Continue reading “Film Review: Where the Wild Things Are” »
District 9 Review
District 9
Directed by Neil Blomkamp
Written by Neil Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell
Released: August 14, 2009
FS Verdict: Mockumentary meets sci-fi and the results will knock you off your seat. Amazing film experience, skip GI Joe and Time Traveler’s Wife and go see it!
Summer 2009 started with Star Trek and Terminator: Salvation. One month later we got Transformers 2. Tucked away in the hundreds of millions of marketing dollar madness was another science fiction film: District 9. Star Trek was great, kudos to JJ Abrams. But Terminator and Transformers made me question my movie going experiences. Do these studios really think the audience is this stupid with these terrible films? Looking at the worldwide gross of these films, I’m guessing the answer is “yes”. District 9 has managed to quietly sneak into the theaters this weekend with a modest 30 million dollar budget. It also managed to possibly salvage a mediocre summer of movies. District 9 is an audience pleaser on all levels. You’ll laugh, you’ll squirm, you will be on the edge of your seat. Director Neil Blomkamp in his debut will no longer be an unknown. Peter (Lord of the Rings) Jackson wisely has a “Presented By” credit in this film. He obviously saw the talent in Blomkamp that needed to be unleashed on the masses. Continue reading “District 9 Review” »
In Theater Review: Moon
Moon
Directed by Duncan Jones
Written by Duncan Jones (story) and Nathan Parker (screenplay)
Released: June 12th, 2009 (limited)
FS Verdict: Don’t believe the Rotten Tomatoes score; you can wait for DVD on this one. Worth seeing, just not necessarily in theaters.
I absolutely loved this film. And I absolutely hated it. It was filled with mind bending and thoughtful prose, yet didn’t go far enough. It questioned corporate greed, human nature, right from wrong…but not really. Therein lies the frustration of the directorial debut of Duncan Jones (David Bowie’s son). Moon simply does not go far enough in exploring the questions it raises. With the snail like pace, this 97 minute movie felt more like its inspiration 2001: A Space Odyssey (148 minutes).
Roger Ebert summed up the spoiler free plot line the best:
At some point in the future (we can’t nail down the story’s time frame), this station on the far side is manned by a single crew member, Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) He’s working out the final days of a three-year contract and is close to cracking from loneliness. Talking to loved ones via video link doesn’t satisfy. The station is largely automated; it processes lunar rock to extract Helium-3, used to provide Earth with pollution-free power from nuclear fusion….
The station is large and well-appointed, has entertainment resources and adequate supplies. Sam communicates frequently with the home office … and so does Gerty (a “HAL”-like computer voiced by Kevin Spacey). Sam doesn’t do any actual mining, but his human hands and brain are needed for repairs, maintenance and inspection. One day he’s outside checking up on something, and his lunar rover smashes up. He’s injured and awakens in the station’s medical facility. Continue reading “In Theater Review: Moon” »
Review: (500) Days of Summer
(500) Days of Summer
Directed by Marc Webb
Written by Scott Neustadter & Michael Weber
Release date (limited): July 17th, 2009
FS Verdict: Skip the nerdy wizard in glasses, support this great film! Highly recommended.
As you may have noticed here at Film Savior, there are a few movies that we have a ton of hope for. We read the script, follow their every casting choice, virtually go in the trenches when filming, and analyze the marketing campaign. (500) Days of Summer is the first release of our 7 “obsessions” in 2009. Luckily, it lived up to the hype and did not disappoint. One for one!
I feel bad whenever a film like this comes around. It’s trying to tell a story in a unique and original way. But everyone feels the need to find a label to stamp on it. Quirky. Indie. Romantic Comedy. (500) Days of Summer is none of these things. And all of these things. Which is one of many reasons that I highly recommend it. It has the sarcasm and wit of Woody Allen’s Manhattan and Annie Hall while invoking the warmth and fun of a Cameron Crowe film.
“I think the key is for me to figure out what went wrong. Do you ever do this? Go back and think about all the things you did together. Everything that happened. Replay it over again in your mind, looking for the first sign of trouble.” — Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)
Continue reading “Review: (500) Days of Summer” »
A Poetic Review: Transformers 2
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
Release Date: June 24th, 2009
FS Verdict: If you have the ability to remove your brain for 2 1/2 hrs (yes, 2.5 hrs!) or are a 5-12 year old boy – enjoy! Otherwise, consider yourself saved.
So we watched the film “Giant F’ing Robots Fighting Giant F’ing Robots” in all of its IMAX glory. Upon leaving the theater, we realized that there is no way you can review a movie with an ass-brained plot, nonsensical character decisions, and jive talking/illiterate/gold-toothed robots (unreal: see article and picture of them HERE) Continue reading “A Poetic Review: Transformers 2” »