4 Great Films to See…Now!!
I can’t remember the last time this happened, especially in the past decade or so. For every great film, there seems to be 2-3 turds to wade through. I’ve seen four movies in-theater the past 2 weeks and every single one of them was outstanding. While each movie was uniquely different from one another, they each had one unifying force: A razor sharp script. All of these are worth the price of admission and will make you actually feel something positive as opposed to feeling nauseated at wasting your time watching crap. All four are still ingrained in my mind as they stood above and beyond modern cinematic fare. After the jump, check out my mini-reviews of films that I’d give a grade no lower than B+: The Descendants, Hugo, Shame, and The Muppets.
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Review: Drive (2011)
Let’s be honest with ourselves — after all the hype around this summer’s slate of films, it was an epic disappointment. The summer of comic book movies ended up being a gigantic flop. The films that actually satisfied the summertime entertainment desire only seemed to do so because of the turds that were released around them.
After seeing Drive this weekend, I’m not only thrilled to see a movie that caters to the inner movie geek in me (80′s gritty movie nostalgia throughout), but it’s a film that understands that film should be art — not something to steal money from your wallet.
Ryan Gosling stars as a Los Angeles wheelman for hire, stunt driving for movie productions by day and steering getaway vehicles for armed heists by night. Though a loner by nature, Driver can’t help falling in love with his beautiful neighbor Irene (Carey Mulligan), a vulnerable young mother dragged into a dangerous underworld by the return of her ex-convict husband Standard (Oscar Isaac).
Take that generic synopsis and throw it out the door. You will not be prepared for the gripping heist film pulsating with 80′s synth pop throughout. Ryan Gosling — who is quickly becoming one of my favorite modern day actors — plays it old school cool. Much like Clint Eastwood in “The Man With No Name” trilogy, not only does Gosling not have a name (he’s only called “Driver”), but he is a man with few words, little backstory, and everything to back up an icy stare. Gosling effectively plays the loner by hire in a manner that you root for him the entire movie, even if you’re not on-board with his decisions.
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Review: Conan The Barbarian (2011)
“WOMAN!” romantically growls the barbarian “Come here!”
It’s fitting that Conan the Barbarian rounds out the 2011 summer slate of Hollywood films. It’s a remake, the script is terrible, and a whole lot of nothing is going on. Right on par with the majority of summer movies this year. The biggest difference between this and most of its 2011 predecessors is that I actually kinda dug this one.
Last week I was fortunate to attend the red carpet premiere of Lionsgate’s remake of Conan The Barbarian. If you have never seen the original 1982 Schwarzenegger star making role, you must not be a male born in the 70′s or 80′s. You didn’t learn how to be a man from your father. You learned from Conan. Check out the roid-fueled trailer HERE.
In the latest of the remake onslaughts, Conan is in 3D (of course). Let me save you few bucks upfront. Don’t see it in 3D. It’s pointless. Other than the opening and closing credits, I don’t recall anything gouging my eyes with the third dimension. But I digress…
After a quick intro and polite applause for the cast, the lights went down and the testosterone level went sky high. What I witnessed while sitting 30 feet away from the newest Conan, Jason Momoa, was 2 hours of head smashing, sword slashing, and teeth gnashing. Dialogue was secondary and all but forgotten — but what else would one expect? It’s tough to even review a movie of this barbaric level. You’re either with Conan or against him.
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Review – Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Well, there you have it. Michael Bay has completed his Transformers trilogy by unloading all of his almighty Bayesness upon the masses. I write to you with bittersweet memories of how Michael Bay played with my beloved toys. In the first Michael Bay Transformers film, I was just in awe of seeing real life cars transform into my favorite characters as a kid. The story was muddled, but the visuals were amazing. Then came the sequel. Anger! Betrayal! Devastation! Murder! Those are a few words that could gently describe my feelings. It was easily one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in a theater – rivaling Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot and Pootie Tang. I vowed I was done with this franchise…done with Michael Bay. But then I saw this :30 second Super Bowl commercial…
…and was hooked again. Could the Bay Master have redeemed himself this quickly?
After watching the the third Transformers film in IMAX 3D last night, the answer is a resounding YES. But everyone won’t agree. This movie should not be titled “Transformers: Dark of the Moon.” The proper title should have been “Transformers: Shit Gets Real.” The Autobots get real — real down and dirty. The effects are top notch — Oscar worthy. The script is pretty much terrible. But what can you expect from a transforming robot film? Seriously.
The best thing about this film is it’s all about Optimus Prime. Very little dialogue from other robots. Little comic relief (one of many downfalls of the last film). But like I said, it’s not for everyone. If you can’t handle 45 minutes straight of robots destroying a city, don’t watch it. If you can’t put yourself back in the shoes of a ten-year-old boy or girl, don’t watch it. If you can’t handle 2 hours and 37 minutes of some Michael Bay lovemaking to your eyeballs, don’t watch it.
I refuse to spend more time on this review than the writers did on the script. I’ll simply take the eloquent live transcript from my brain as I processed the gloriousness displayed in front of me.
Begin transcript after the jump….
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Review: Bridesmaids
In a welcome break from the underwhelming influx of fanboy cinematic failures, my wife and I saw Bridesmaids over the weekend. As we sat down, I noticed that almost everyone in the theater was a couple. Looks like the marketing team did its job right – men were taking their significant other (or vice versa) on a hot movie date on the town. It has been billed as the female version of The Hangover since its announcement. Let me tell you, it is no Hangover. That wouldn’t give it the proper justice. As funny as I thought The Hangover was, it lacked one important element that makes a good movie great – heart. Bridesmaids has its fair share of crude jokes, random lines of dialogue, and quite a few laugh out loud moments, but most of all – it had heart. And it felt real. Finally women get their crossover comedy (crossover as in, men will want to see it) that doesn’t pander, stereotype, or falsify relationships between women. The film almost feels like an apology letter for all of the crappy romantic comedies we’ve had to endure over the years:
I’m sorry for a decades worth of Katherine Heigl, Jennifer Aniston, and Kate Hudson movies.
I’m sorry for making you think that every woman is only obsessed with her broken relationship or lack thereof.
I’m sorry that a comedy with female leads is assumed to be a romantic comedy.
After many years of our brains infused with Heigl-ness, it’s a breath of fresh air to see a female driven movie that’s funny because it’s funny. Simple as that.
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Thorible: A Poetic Review of Thor
My 2011 summer movie season kicked off with a giant dud. I witnessed a trainwreck that the masses have considered to be great entertainment. I don’t get it. Maybe I’ve grown tired of the comic-book film onslaught. Maybe I’m not into a character that wields a hammer without even once proclaiming “Stop! Hammertime.” Or maybe, just maybe, this film was just a sloppy mess. The New Mexico city looked like a backlot. The action scenes were impossible to decipher. And the plot was pointless. Never was anyone truly in danger. When a God has unlimited powers with a stupid hammer, well, the suspense is kinda sucked out of the room. If you need another opinion on this, check out Roger Eberts’ scathing thoughts on this film HERE. In tribute to the first movie I truly despised this summer, I leave you with a poetic ballad.
*Stands on pedestal…clears throat*
God almighty, what was that?
I asked for good, all I got was SPLAT!
The name is Thor, God of Thunder;
The director had the vision of Stevie Wonder.
In a surprising turn, Chris Hemsworth was great,
But these comic book films are becoming suckers bait.
“Come watch me! I’ll thrill you in 3D!”
If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t see it for free.
Movies can be made as popcorn fare,
just give me one reason to sit there and care.
*Steps down…drops mic*
Consider yourself saved.
Review: Source Code
I’ve been hearing movie blogger nerd hype out of the SXSW premiere screenings of Source Code for weeks. I was always interested in checking it out, specifically to catch Duncan “David Bowie’s Son” Jones in his sophomore effort after his critical hit, Moon. But the nerds were screaming as if Jones was changing the face of celluloid. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
If you love sci-fi, you’ll be satisfied (although left with many head scratching questions). If you hate sci-fi, take the preposterous premise and throw it out the door. Once you get past the whole “source code” business, this is a satisfactory thriller with acting and directing that holds an OK script together. It’s thrilling, thought provoking, ridiculous at times – but always stays a half step in front of the audience. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Jeffrey Wright, and Vera Farmiga, this train ride is worth taking.
The idea of the film is simple: Groundhog Day meets Moon. A soldier gets to relive the same 8 minutes on a train over and over to find a bomb/bomber. But why? And how?
Official synopsis: An action thriller centered on a soldier who wakes up in the body of an unknown man and discovers he’s part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train.
To say much more about this story would ruin the fun of it all. So I’ll stop with the explaining here. Try not to read too much. The fun is the peeling of layers.
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Review: Sucker Punch
Giant Samurai Robots. Check.
Zombie Nazi WWII Soldiers. Check.
Dragons. Check.
An awful, boring, hollow, tedious, overstuffed film. Check.
Zack Snyder’s latest, Sucker Punch, was a sucker punch to audiences across the country. Those hoping the director of 300, Watchmen, and the upcoming Superman would have something phenomenal up his sleeve will be stunned in a visual barrage of nothingness. After two hours of watching a film attempt and fail to tell a supposed “female empowerment story” (Zack Snyder’s words, not mine), I was left in my seat with utter disappointment.
The official synopsis is simple enough: A young girl is institutionalized by her abusive stepfather. Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the mental facility. The actual film, uh, not even an ounce of real story.
Here’s the real deal (slight spoilers from the opening 15 minutes). Mother dies. Her WILL hands everything to her daughters. Evil father is pissed (and evil). We know this because he sneers a bunch, adjusts his tie often to imply potential rape (seriously), and sweats profusely throughout the entire 5 minute slo-mo opening (Zack Snyder loves him some slo-mo). Older daughter tries to shoot evil stepdad (because he’s evil), misses, kills sister. Apparently, this gives the evil stepdad a free pass to send her to the insane asylum. Inside the asylum, girl copes with her situation and pending lobotomy by imagining an alternate reality where she is essentially the newest member of a burlesque-ish brothel slave factory (seriously). This setup is one of the biggest head scratchers. An implied abused girl escapes her reality by being trapped in a brothel. OK. Let’s say you went with that. The Snydster gets a free pass. But here’s the kicker. She wants to escape this brothel. She hatches a masterplan of stealing a map, lighter, knife, and key (in that exact order). How can she and her female ass kicking team do it? With her seductive dance for the men that literally leaves them in a salivating trance. Duh. Visually, Zack Snyder is one of the best directors out there. He knows how to frame and light any and every shot. He’s a brilliant visionary. But I was this close (thumb and pointer about an inch apart) to walking out on this one. Showgirls had better acting than this.
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Reviews: Oscar Hopeful Wrap-up
Hello again, friends. Happy New Year! After a short break, I’m back with an arsenal of films under my belt. In between great times with my wife, my little one, family, and friends, I managed to sneak away and catch most of the supposed Oscar contenders. It’s a complicated thing trying to keep up to date with current films, even when I’ve been patiently waiting for years. The little guy always takes priority. That’s obvious. And after he’s prioritized, I try to strategically figure out when, where, and how I can get to the movie theater. Should I take a solo trip late night? Will my wife join me and we get a babysitter? Is it playing at the times that work best for my ever evolving schedule? Back in June of 2009, I first announced Black Swan HERE. I had a quiet excitement to see it ASAP, but kept things Fonzi cool. My wife must read the site, because she was the one to mention we see it the first weekend. Thankfully, I didn’t have to be the weirdo pacing around the house because I want to see a movie. Like I said, Fonzi cool. Kids, are you taking notes?
I was able to see almost every film on my list over the past few weeks. Black Swan, Tron: Legacy, True Grit, Somewhere, and The King’s Speech. There are only two more 2010 films worthy to see: The Fighter and Blue Valentine – both of which I’ll see soon. Two of these films were great, two more gave me a pouty lip + head nod + shrug, another infuriated me. Below are my thoughts & grades on the majority of the Oscar worthy Holiday Movies 2010.
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The A-Team Movie Non-Review
How can one even attempt to review a movie like The A-Team?
a) It’s based off an 80′s live TV show that was essentially a cartoon.
b) Never for one second does it attempt to be anything else but dumb summertime fun.
c) Mr. T and Rampage Jackson played B.A. Baracus…can you really review anything with these two as main actors?
“Fire everything!” exclaimed Hannibal aka Liam Neeson. And so they did. Wow. There is no simple way to explain what I saw on the screen. Besides lots of shaky cam and disregard to a plausible plotline, I’m almost embarrassed to say that I really enjoyed this movie due to the dumb fun it was. The number one culprit of the straight dumb summer fun were the ridiculous stunts (which of course made zero sense). Last week I showcased a snippet of THIS absurd scene from the film. After witnessing it in full context, it is even more batshit crazy. In what logical sense would a writer script the following scene:
An airplane flown by the A-Team gets blasted out of the sky. That airplane happened to have a tank in it. The entire A-Team just happens to get into the tank as the airplane gets shot (let me remind you, they were FLYING the plane). The infamous tank just happens to have just the right amount of parachutes on it to slow down the freefall, you know, in case it ever needed to fly. And then the one liners come flying. The “best” one comes from Bradley “Face” Cooper “Hey Boss, it’s a little stuffy. I’m gonna pop a window.” And so he does. And the cackler shoots planes out of the sky with the tank flying through the air.
Of course, this isn’t ridiculous enough.
To slow down their free fall, they strategically face the barrel of the tanks gun towards the ground. Each shot slows down their momentum. When they get closer…”Fire everything.”
If you can watch/read this and smiled, then The A-Team is for you.
There really is nothing more I need to say. I can explain to you how perfect Sharlto Copley (District 9) was as the mentally unstable Murdock. I can tell you how ready-made Bradley Cooper is for the role of the womanizing Face. I can beg you to understand how perfect Liam Neeson is in practically everything (except Star Wars). But there’s no reason. You’re either in or you’re out. Sure, there’s no plot. Pike…plates…revenge…wrongfully accused…whatever.
The A-Team. Asinine. Ambitious. Awesome. Ambiguous. Awestruck. Ample. Autrageous. Autterly Ridiculous.
Film Review: I’m Here
The more layers I peel off the Hollywood creaky wheel, the more cynical I become. Art is an important aspect to the understanding of humans. You can go through world history and some form of art will give you a glimpse into the psyche of the world at that time. Whether it be cave sketches, oil paintings of baby Jesus, Picasso’s genius, or the modern art of Mark Ryden, the thoughts of the moment are frozen in time.
Film is art. Yet, over time, it has become overrun by businessmen trying to make a quick dollar. Art has become secondary if lucky. The focus is on brand. How can a studio sell opening weekend? How quickly can a profit be made?
Film is art. And a few directors still get that. As I mentioned a few days ago, there are still true artists in the Hollywood scene. Paul Thomas Anderson. Quentin Tarantino. Spike Jonze. I’ve mentioned them all a thousand times on this site. And it’s because they keep things exciting. Their ideas are interesting. They are taking a medium and showing us something we’ve never seen before.
After a rough 7 year stint on Where the Wild Things Are, Spike Jonze wanted to create something simple. During the editing process of WTWTA, he secretly shot the 35 minute short film, I’m Here, just to keep the creative juices flowing.
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