I’m having my first baby in 2 months. My sister-in-law had her baby seconds ago. Five friends are having babies in the next 3 months. It’s no wonder the Trojan factory just shut down.

As the great Salt N Pepa once eloquently stated, “Oooh, baby, baby…Baby baby.  Oooh, baby, baby. Baby baby.”

Or as the classy Britney Spears sang, “Hit me baby one more time.”

And the classic Sir Mix Alot, “Baby Got Back”

Babies are everywhere — including the big screen. Yep, you guessed it– there are two more baby movies coming your way. One reboot and one based off a commercial. Why? It’s simple and saddening –  Hollywood has run out of ideas.

Look Who’s Talking is coming back. That’s right. Look Who’s Freakin’ Talking! But that’s not all. You know those *ahem* hilarious E*Trade talking baby commercials. Yeah, they are turning that into a movie.

First E*Trade. The film is a “mission movie,” about a group of talking babies trying to make their way across the playground. One can only hope this is in 3D. Because that’s what we need. Lame E*Trade Babies creeping me out in the 3rd dimension. I’m not wasting anymore time talking about this. The sad thing, there are people who actually will be excited at this news.

Look Who’s Talking. Oh boy. Just when you think, “They can touch all of the classics — just please don’t remake the Look Who’s Talking movies”, Hollywood goes and screws you.  That’s right. One of the greatest franchises starring those oh-so hilarious talking babies is being soiled by modern day cinema.  This is truly amazing. I remember seeing the first Look Who’s Talking in the theater with my parents. Talk about painful…picture yourself as a pre-pubescent boy sitting with your parents during THIS opening scene.  2 minutes of sweaty palmed hell! I remember it like it was yesterday. Moving on…

Shortly after, we were blessed with the clever Look Who’s Talking Too (get it?). Finally, the dumptruck of turd called Look Who’s Talking Now (hint – it’s the dogs) came out. Did anyone ask for a 4th movie? Somehow, somewhere, someone in a nice corner office overlooking the Hollywood sign thinks there’s an audience out there.

As my baby grows up on kids classics such as Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, and A Clockwork Orange, a whole generation of children will have to summon to the new breed of Look Who’s Talking and E*Trade Babies.

Good luck and good night.

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