Breaking News: Ridley Scott speaks about “Monopoly: The Movie”
We’ve talked ad nauseum about the board games to Hollywood film hysteria currently happening. A few trusted sources have told me that Zombies literally have taken over the powers that be in Hollywood and only the brain dead and lifeless are making decisions. The most disturbing of all the board game movies is Monopoly: The Movie, directed by the great Ridley Scott. And now he has spoken about the film.
To catch you up, here was the original story idea from the producer of the film. Nothing below is made up. Seriously. I just puked a little bit in my mouth.
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Toy Story 3 Viral Video
There’s always a special place in my heart for the 80′s toy commercials. Last week, a video appeared on YouTube claiming to be a tv commercial from 1983′s Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear. I know my 80′s toys and can assure you this bear did not exist. Low and behold, it’s a viral video from the great folks at Pixar (who are mum on the subject.) Huggin Bear is the slow talkin, cane walkin’, new character from the latest in the Toy Story franchise. Good thing Pixar started this viral campaign — I’m sure no one has heard of the Toy Story movies.
Is it me or does this bear give you the creeps? I’d sleep with one eye open with him in the room. I’ll bet those “happy” bushy eyebrows suddenly furrow in the dark shadows of the room. And who knows what he’ll do with that cane as you drift into a deep sleep…. Creep-O-Bear. Just sayin’.
If you haven’t seen the trailer for Toy Story 3, check it out.
Film Review: I’m Here
The more layers I peel off the Hollywood creaky wheel, the more cynical I become. Art is an important aspect to the understanding of humans. You can go through world history and some form of art will give you a glimpse into the psyche of the world at that time. Whether it be cave sketches, oil paintings of baby Jesus, Picasso’s genius, or the modern art of Mark Ryden, the thoughts of the moment are frozen in time.
Film is art. Yet, over time, it has become overrun by businessmen trying to make a quick dollar. Art has become secondary if lucky. The focus is on brand. How can a studio sell opening weekend? How quickly can a profit be made?
Film is art. And a few directors still get that. As I mentioned a few days ago, there are still true artists in the Hollywood scene. Paul Thomas Anderson. Quentin Tarantino. Spike Jonze. I’ve mentioned them all a thousand times on this site. And it’s because they keep things exciting. Their ideas are interesting. They are taking a medium and showing us something we’ve never seen before.
After a rough 7 year stint on Where the Wild Things Are, Spike Jonze wanted to create something simple. During the editing process of WTWTA, he secretly shot the 35 minute short film, I’m Here, just to keep the creative juices flowing.
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An Overused Phrase in Film – “We’ve Got Company”
There are a ton of overused phrases in Hollywood films.
“I’ve got a bad feeling about this”
“I’m getting too old for this shit”
“How much for a order of ribs?”
But one of the most overused phrases is the lame and completely unrealistic “We’ve got company.” When in your life would you ever have reason for saying this?
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock…ding dong.
Man glances over to his wife from across the room.
Knock, knock.
“Looks like we’ve got company,” says the man.
“Well, get off your fat ass and open the door,” says the classy wife.
Completely ridiculous, yet used way too often in film. Want proof? Check out this clip which shows “We’ve Got Company” needs to be put in the grave.
Movies vs. Films
I’ve been asked alot why I always interchange the word “film” and “movie.” It may seem that I’m not consistent with my terminology, but it’s quite the opposite. There are connoisseurs of film and there are those who love going to the movies. There are film buffs and movie geeks. You can hate films but love movies. Lost yet?
Below is a passage from a fantastic book that seems to have been written for me, “The Film Snob’s Dictionary.”
Movies Vs. Films
It’s a MOVIE if it makes the cover of Entertainment Weekly. It’s a FILM if it makes the cover of Cahiers du Cinema.
It’s a MOVIE if it has T&A in it. It’s a FILM if it has penises in it.
It’s a MOVIE if its makers slipped lots of amusing stuff into the end-credits so you’d stay behind to watch them. It’s a FILM if its end-credits are normal, boring end-credits, but everyone around you stays to watch them anyway.
Bruce Willis, a MOVIE guy, gained FILM credibility by being in Pulp Fiction. Steve Buscemi, a FILM guy, gained MOVIE credibility by being in Armageddon.
The Coen brothers are MOVIE buffs who make FILMS.
There is only one time that you can easily interchange “film” with “movie.” When you visit this site, please know you’re being saved from bad movies along with bad films. Reading this site can lead you to great films as well as great movies. I may be a film snob, but I’ll still be at an IMAX screening of Iron Man 2 on opening night. Go figure.
When Hollywood Had Artists
I’ve had enough!
Just a few weeks ago, I watched Scent of a Woman with my wife for the first time. Somehow, the film passed me by over the years and I never saw it. My wife had recommended it to me simply for the brilliant acting job of Al Pacino. 18 years later — the film holds up masterfully. Al Pacino was incredible in his role as Lt. Col Frank Slade. Unfortunately, watching it reiterated the sadness I have for the current state of film. While there are brilliant minds coming from the independent and foreign film scene, Hollywood is turning to a 3D, brand name (such as board games), reboot hack machine. Acting is irrelevant. Writing is all but forgotten. It’s all about taking the money from your pocket (check out those current 3D ticket prices). Film as art is in the I.C.U. When Ridley Scott is in negotiations to direct Monopoly: The Movie, we all lose.
I’m aware that I recommend a lot of movies that fall under the category of “dumb fun”. Hot Tub Time Machine, Avatar, A-Team – these are all popcorn fare. I’m open to any and all movies made. C’mon, I’ve seen Pootie Tang and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot IN THE MOVIE THEATER! The issue I have is the current dumb to creative ratio. Why do we need to reboot every known film from the 80s? Why are there so few creative minds compared to our predecessors? This summer: comic book sequels, comic book adaptations, and the 80′s will be shoved down your throat. Wash it down with a predictably bad romantic comedy and you have modern day Hollywood.
When I think of great acting in great films, I always look to the big leaguers such as Jimmy Stewart, Marlon Brando all the way to Meryl Streep, De Niro and Pacino. This stems directly from films that warranted great praise. Many of the greatest films ever made starred these actors. When you say the word “Actor” or “Actress”, you don’t think of Taylor Lautner (aka Beaverface) or Miley Cyrus (a walking joke). Most people immediately think back to the films of Brando, Streep, DeNiro, and Pacino. There are brilliant modern day actors (Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Daniel Day-Lewis, Leo DiCaprio) who choose films by the creativity, not for the paycheck. But they are becoming the extreme minority.
Some of you hate black and white films. Some people I know refuse to watch anything that isn’t modern (pre-1980′s). Because of this, you are missing some of the most breathtaking, haunting, terrific acting and stories known to the art form. If you continue watching Clash of the Titans remake or Jennifer Anniston/Gerard Butler comedies, you will become more lobotomized each day. Watch these clips and try your best not to laugh at our current crop of “actors.” I’m talking to you, Sam Worthington. Below is acting. Below are classic films. Classic does not mean “old” — classic means “better than the rest.”
The Greatest Dog on the Planet
Let’s break it down. The boy is heartbroken. The friendless lovable dog is trying to cheer him up. He pulls out all the stops…hand walking, burlesque dance moves, fake ear, this dog–he’s HILARIOUS. But then a girl comes along. And the boy kicks the dog to the curb. Poor dog. That final look on its face is priceless. I’ve literally watched this commercial 50+ times. If I’m having a stressful day, I’ll be clicking my heels seconds after watching this. I can lose my job and have my car stolen, but with a click of the play button — two thumbs will be up with a huge smile on my face.
Over the past few months, there have been some ridiculous ideas greenlit: Overboard remake, Look Who’s Talking reboot, E*Trade Babies Movie, another He-Man movie, Real Genius…no joke. Why NOT adapt this brilliant 30 second Japanese commercial?! Everything from a successful film is here: Heartbreak. Comedy. Romance. Redemption.
Put it in the hands of Quentin Tarantino and that chump kid will get what’s comin’ to him. I can see tagline now: “Man’s Best Friend – All that and a bag of chips.”
Enjoy the clip and save the link. Something bad might happen to you today. I want to see you go Fonzie on that negativity. Not one thumb. TWO thumbs up. And just think: What would cheer-up dog do?
The Real Game Changer: “Step Up 3D”
Peep this, yo. When I first saw this, baby girl, I was like, “What?” Then I was like, yo, this is my sh$t. I can git with this. Got my Ed Hardy on. Cap to the side, yo. 3D dance moves are bezerk. I ain’t frontin’ tho…I don’t have the $15 to pay for this, yo. But on the real, spot me a 20 girl. I’ll hit you back. Holla at ya boy.
This quote from director Jon Chu says it all:
Director Jon Chu, who also helmed 2008′s “Step Up 2: The Streets,” said that this flick is really going to capture the audience’s attention. “It’s not the blue and red anymore. It’s a different 3-D, totally new style,” he said about the new glasses. “You gotta get the new ones. They look like shades.”
Not sure where Mr. Chu has been living for the past year, but I’m pretty sure the box office success of Avatar, Alice in Wonderland, and Clash of the Titans proves that people are aware we don’t use blue and red glasses anymore. Moron.
You know, when the 3D craze really started heating up, I stopped in my tracks and said, “The world needs a 3D Dance flick.” Thanks to the dance gods, my prayers were answered. Luckily, it seems to star an actor with the personality of my left arm pit. (In Rosie the Robot voice ) “Welcome to my house.”
Here’s your challenge for the day. Click play on the video. See how if you can make it past the 1 minute mark before bailing…yo.
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“A-Team” Full Trailer
Your eyes did not deceive you. Yes, that’s Bradley Cooper flying through the sky in a tank while shooting down airplanes. Yes, that’s Rampage Jackson rail sliding down a skyscraper, well, because he can. Yes, that’s Liam Neeson in part 2 of full blown sellout mode (see him in Clash of the Titans for part 1). And yes, this is going to be all kinds of awesome. If THIS opening theme song doesn’t give you goosebumps, then it’s obvious you weren’t a young boy in the 80′s. I pity you, fool.
This trailer hints at lots of fun nods to the TV series – from BA’s theme song whistle to his “Pity” and “Fool” tattoos. This isn’t for everyone, but who cares — it’s for ME. Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, Hollywood has had a strange fetish for the 80′s. Some are appealing (Tron: Legacy), others are disrespetcful (GI Joe). The A-Team seems to toe the line of homage vs parody, which is the way to go with this. Continue reading ““A-Team” Full Trailer” »
Clash of the Titans – Saving You $5
Have you been victim to the Clash of the Titans hype? Are you ready to release the Kraken?
Deep inside you know it’s not going to be good, you know that they are pissing all over an early 80′s classic, and you know it was shot in 2D, but recently converted to 3D to cash in on the hype. But if you’re like me, you probably can’t pass this one up. I mean, cmon, check out the Kraken being released HERE!
I have not seen the film yet. But numerous (and trusted) sources have unanimously told me to stay away from the 3D version of this film. It’s cheap looking. It’s pointless. It’s there only to reach into your back pocket and steal that last bill. There has been much debate over the 2D to 3D hurried conversion on films being release in 2010. They all want to feed off the Avatar hype, but are missing one important fact. Avatar was created and shot in an 3D environment. Technology was created solely for that film. Many of these conversions (Clash of the Titans, Chronicles of Narnia (Dec.), and Gulliver’s Travels (Dec.)) are ill-advised. We as the movie going audience can handle the old way of watching film. It’s not like going back to black and white.
Save the extra money it costs for these converted 3D ticket prices and take your lady friend out to Ross for a shopping spree.
Consider yourself saved.
Top 5 Reasons “Alice In Wonderland” is a Travesty
There really can’t be a more disappointing director out there than Tim Burton. The level of pre-excitement vs. actual film is so far off skew, I can’t wrap my mind around it. Sleepy Hollow, Planet of the Apes, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – and now Alice in Wonderland, there have just been too many duds in his recent films. You can point to flashes of his old self in Sweeney Todd, but a flash isn’t enough for fans of Tim Burton like myself. Check that. Former fan.
I knew this day was coming. Which is exactly why it took me so long to finally see Alice in Wonderland. I knew this was going to be my Breakup CD. Buying the ticket would be Track 1. Let the depressing songs and harsh reality commence.
Below are the Top 5 Reasons Why Alice in Wonderland was a complete waste of time.
1) Seriously, what was the point?!
50% of the film is devoted to everyone around Alice hinting to her that she’s already been down the rabbit hole. The other 50% is devoted to actress Mia Wasikowska looking dazed and confused. There’s your movie. What really was the point of this? Never was the ending ever in doubt, as it’s told to the audience within the first 25 minutes. *Slight Spoiler* – Her “destiny” on Frabjous Day was to slay the Jabberwocky. There was never a moment in the film that you doubted this could happen. It was more difficult for me to take my 3D glasses out of the plastic than it was for her to chop off its head. There was never any true conflict in the entire film. Too easy to trick the Red Queen. Too easy to get out of her real life proposal. Too easy to meet up with the White Queen. Too easy…too lazy. Amazing art direction; amazingly lazy writing. Was Alice any different at the climax of the film vs. the beginning? Absolutely not. She was a free spirit throughout. The only character that is truly fleshed out is the Mad Hatter. Burton’s Johnny Depp fetish continues and is apparent in his overused screen time for the Hatter.
2) The battle scene
Remember that time in college when you thought it would be fun to take a #2 in the fishbowl, scoop it out, and place it in a crock pot for a slow overnight cook. That’s what the climatic battle scene was — a crock of shit. Nothing happened. Everyone watched Alice run up some stairs and chop off a head. That’s it. CROCK OF SHIT.
3) The 3D hype
You want to see a movie in 3D? Shell out the big bucks. Starting last weekend, price of 3D admission is on the rise. Every Hollywood tentpole film is currently being converted to 3D to keep up with the hype. We are slowly being hustled by that old man in the shades across the poker table. Alice had no reason being 3D. Sure, the Cheshire Cat looked cool. But nothing else made sense. Please know, ALL movies do not need to be seen in 3D. Remember the days of B.A. (Before Avatar)? Before the game changer blew our minds away, we were perfectly fine with regular ole two dimensional screens. IMAX was a special treat. But the local AMC screen would still do the trick. Now the public is demanding everything to be in 3D. This needs to stop. The only reason to see Alice in Wonderland is for the beautiful art design and costumes. That’s it. Nothing that’s worth shelling out $5 more per person. Yes, you can consider yourself saved.
4) Johnny Depp
Unfortunately, we have to compare Johnny Depp to Johnny Depp. As great as he was in his mental patient take on the Mad Hatter, you sort of have the feeling “been there, done that”. I can see Tim Burton’s direction right now “Johnny, don’t over think it. Just throw a bit of Jack Sparrow with a shimmer of Willy Wonka and a touch of Hunter S. Thompson. Add a Scottish accent every once in awhile….perfect. Now bug your eyes out. Yes!” Time for something new, Mr. Depp. You’ve jumped the Tim Burton shark.
5) Danny Elfman score
God, I wish I was Danny Elfman. Create one amazing score and re-purpose it over and over and over again. Throughout this film, we get the Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Spiderman score all mixed up to disguise it as something new. Think I’m wrong? Check all three below and compare it to the Alice score above. Same ole same ole. They are all variations of each other.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3eB1eBw028